Thursday, November 25, 2010

Hello earthlings, I love you

Hello earthlings,

For this year, my birthday wish is simple.

I wish for a true happy heart.

And my wish has came to life. In this month, I feel so much better. I can laugh and smile from my heart.
I no longer cry in my heart. Sometimes dreams still haunt me. But I'm able to fight back.

See, I wish I can hug everyone I see. I want everyone around me feel happy too.

 Love is awesome and beautiful


The reason that seesaws have two seats is because that way there is always someone to bring you back up when you go down.

beautiful pictures are from tumblr

With Love,

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Untold Thought

grasping for air. Hell no. Not now. Not anymore. How I wish I can stay how i feel now.
I don't want to look back. Maybe, because it has helped to shape the me.

I realized I love and appreciate my family even more. Although time spend with family is not much, but I know I love my family and relatives more. 

Friends walk in and leave their foot prints, and leave. Whether is good or bad. I believe God had it on purpose. I used to care every single things(feelings) around. I used to get upset whenever people I love and care felt upset. All I care is to make them happy. 
But not now, yes, I would thought about it and I move on. Simply because I am making myself feel miserable.

After a camp with my fellow Christians. I think somehow God answered my unprayed prayer. 
-I never pray about my feeling to Him. Simply because I think He fails me.

So here it goes, 
I went to T.H.E. camp organised by UM PKV. When I first got a forms from a friend of mine, asking me to join this camp. My mind was like, do I really need this? bla bla bla
On second thought, why not, since I have nothing better to do. So here I went to this camp.

I totally do not enjoy the camp at all, I tried spend time with God, I tried to pray. Nothing make me feel better. So i went home feeling just the same.

Then new semester starts, my most important sem of all, it is the time to choose either become a recitalist or to write an thesis. Obviously, I want to be become recitalist, not because I like to play the piano that much, it is because I dislike writing a thesis more. 

Time goes by and I did not touch the piano much. I always went out to do something to make me happy. 
Sitting to play on the piano is a big NO for me at that time. I do not have the urge to sit and practice all day long. 

Well, when the recital hearing audition day arrived. I waited outside the audition room anxiously. I couldn't concentrate and it feels like hell for me. 
And the worst things is, I cried throughout the whole damn audition. 
Obviously, I screwed the damn audition.

So end of it, I failed the hearing. And I have to do my stupid thesis.
At that time, I am always angry with everyone. I am always sad. I see things very negatively. 
I had sleepless night, thinking of I can do better if none of the unhappy thing happens.
I even woke up in the middle of the night, and cry myself to sleep.
And I hide things to myself. 

As time goes by, I still have to move my right. (and this is what people been telling me, Carey, just move on and never look back) And it is all bullshit to me, how can I ever erase that and move on. Feelings is something you can's see. 
Well, I know this is the only thing they can say to me. People I really do you all care for me and I appreciate that. Thanks people.

At some point, I used to get myself to drunk and sleep. Sound freaking stupid right? Ya, I know. I have nothing better to do I know. 

Another stage I went to is thinking of dropping out school and start a new life. Simply because I don't see any reason why should do music. I am not talented and I to deal with people more. Haha~
Well, less than a year to go. So just do it.

So, another camp organised by PKV is here this month. And same feelings came again.

But I had the best moment for all this while. God had answered my unprayed prayer. I totally can spend time with God. Alone for him. And only had feeling for Him. 
I feel so much lighter. And I think I had my life back. For real.

All songs for me now is just pleasant music. whether it is happy or sad love songs would not affect my feelings nor mood.

I can now totally enjoy the awesome music, rhythm, arrangement and all.
How I wish I can paint them down.

Oh ya, I had my birthday with my fella campers in Cameron. It was a pleasant surprise for me. Because they suddenly off the light tricking all the campers that there is a slide show. Turn out some one came out holding a green birthday cake, singing birthday songs to me. I nearly cried, holding back my tears real hard.  The reason is of course I feel touched and another one is, I had a worst 21st birthday last year.
But anywhere, I felt happy because everyone and God is blessing me and there for me. 
Love you all. I appreciate everything you all did for me.
I learned and gained during the camp.

God definitely never left me endure with all this awful experiences without any plans. 
His timing is unpredictable. And I am definitely stronger now. I would say, I have a strong metal steel armor with me. 

My broken heart is back with plasters on. 

For the first time for a long time, I see rainbow.

For the first time for a long time, I smile, from heart.

I wish it is here for long.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Dvorak Slavonic Dance performed by Amy and Me

me and my best buddy, Amy, playing Dvorak Slavonic Dance No2 and No8 together during 4hands piano recital examination.
It was performed during our second year in UM, 2009.
Practicing together was kind of hard for me. Cause we have to be so called share the same heartbeat. Time to prepare for the pieces was limited too, when there are tons of pieces and assignments to prepare. But overall I'm quite happy that we made it through. I enjoy spending time practicing with her.

I wish to dedicate this post for Amy. She's my listener whenever I need someone to listen to my 'speech'. =p Simply because I talk too much. Yes, I am. 

here's the video of us playing the well known awesome happy pieces together.
The beginning is not here due to technical problem. =)
Although It's not that good. But we had tried our best!!!

Dvorak Slavonic Dance No2 and No8

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

my busiest week for the semester.

It's week 14 for my 3rd year 1st semester, which is also my final week.

most my exams are jammed all in this week and most of all, UM swimming competition is here once more. I know I'm not a state swimmer nor a national swimmer. But having two medals in my belt makes fly high. Even thou there is a national swimmer who got 10 gold medals in a night. (open my jaw wide) I know, she is the best of all.
But I am super happy and contented on my achievement. Haha~ and I can sleep in peace.

Anyway, for a normal person, he or she may feel stress out and dying to make the week disappear or something. But for me, I felt so occupied and full. Which i think, 'live life to the max' came into my mind. I am glad that I had a busy week which I quite enjoy the process. Earlier on the semester, actually I did nothing much.

Anyhow, gotta study for tomorrow's exam.

Night people

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Something that triggers my mind

I was talking to Ruth, a close friend of mine yesterday night. I realized i have changed a lot since last year's Raya. I used to be very patient, tolerance and nice. (at least it is what i fell) But the problem is I miss the old happy, cheerful and a nice me. I want myself back. I became very defensive since last year.

I still remember I don't hate anyone during my Form 6 days. I love being with my friends. I love school but not class. Haha~ And I still remember one thing, I used to pray to God every single moment back then. I always seek for his guidance and pray for a wisdom mind and good heart.Things change when I enter varsity. I hardly pray. (stupid me right.)

But not now, I hate people who are trying to destroy my life. I become very defensive whenever people don't agree on what doing. I don't care what people say, even though I know they are trying to help me. It is because I know deep down in my heart, nothing's gonna change even thou I'm being nice.

Anyway, Ruth shared a story that is very meaningful to her, apparently, it is also very meaningful to me. And I wanna share it with you all. It is a little story from a book.

story on Stephanie Canfield,
When I was in junior high. I made a commitment to God, my parents, and myself to stay sexually pure until marriage. I made a list of character qualities I wanted in my husband. As time went on I thought I must have set my expectations too high. I didn't know any guys who had a same standards I did. Some of my friends told me this guy didn't exist!

During my senior year of high school I almost gave up on my dream to find him. I started to believe it could never happen, so I rushed ahead of God and caved into the pressure to begin a relationship (against my parents' advice). I soon experienced consequences-in my relationship with God, my friends, and my parents. God convicted me, and I surrendered my future to Him once again.

After high school I met a guy who became a good friend. Jeremiah had made a commitment not to kiss a girl until his wedding day. As our friendship grew, I came to realized he had the qualities I'd written on my list many years before. Imagine that - he did exist!

He asked to date me with the intention of marriage. With my parents' full support and peace from God we carefully began a relationship.

Our first kiss was on our wedding day, and it was so special! Waiting to express our love physically laid a strong foundation of trust for our marriage.

I wish I wouldn't have listened to my friends in believing that my standards were impossible and that i should just date. God had someone saved for me, and in His perfect timing He brought him along. I discovered that the way of purity is far better even through it required patience and a willingness to go against the flow. The outcome is worth every sacrifice and makes marriage all the sweeter.

Stephanie's husband, Jeremiah, agrees:

I told God when I was younger that I would lock all my emotions and desires to win a lady's heart in a box and that I would give Him the Key. I said i wanted Him to open this box in my heart when the right one came along. It was such a joy and thrill to give everything to Stephanie. I don't regret for one moment not "dating around." I had no past relationship scars to tell my wife about. I was saving myself for her alone.

I now get to spend the rest of my life pouring out my love on a women who has my whole heart and affection.

After reading it, I felt that I'm not alone and I'm proud of my commitment even thou my love of my life don't seem to appreciate it. Maybe I had rush everything and I think ahead of God. I had learnt my lesson.
Scar is always remind as one and it's forever. But I'm using concealer to cover it. Well, life is not that perfect as I think.
As least I know I'm blessed with many awesome people in my life. And you know who you are =)

1Cr 10:13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I believe everything happen with a purpose, whether it is good or bad. They are here to shape a better Carey, me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Redang retreat with families. Post #1

I went Redang Island for the second time during this Raya. This time I went to a different beach. A
Aunts got a room for my family at the Berjaya Redang Resort.
Spending time with your close ones are always the best memory you can ever wished for.

Lying at the sun bed was totally heaven-like.
No worries but clear blue sky and the sound of the wave.

Lucky me, a close friend of mine borrowed his brand new camera.
So the result was awesome. At least this is what i think.
I love taking photos for everything. Mine camera used to be awesome and i love it. But ever since, an accident occur on it. It became retarded.
Planning to get a new one, but still under consideration and am working hard for a new camera. hehe~

Sitting in the car for 8 hours from kl to Terengganu was pain in ass. It was a rainy night. I saw at least 4 accidents along the journey. One car flew off a cliff, one turned up side down and so on.

And it was CRAZY!!!!

The first thing we all did when we landed the resort.

Of course, the white sand, blue sea and clear blue sky.
Totally amazing!

The path before our rooms


I love lotus shower from the top.
Feels like rain pouring down

Di di eating maggi cup happily

Chris and me


While they are noom noom noom, and me busying chak chak chak

and so, after feeding ourselves, we headed to the beach and pool

Di Di vs Jessie


And the snorkeling part

Uncle was smart, he prepared a super big bag of dry bread to feed the fish.

We stuffed the bread into bottle for better feeding moment =p

Look how many were they

Bro manage to attract a pair of big fishes with bread in bottle

A slimy creature. Very geli


When we were heading back to our room, suddenly my lil cousins saw crabs.
Yes crabs. So we all decided to catch some.

evil us

One of the crabs they had captured. 
Of course, we send them back to the sea later on.

And so, dinner is the resort's restaurant.

These Indonesian musicians sang beautiful songs for us.
felt like a vip

Another spice to add to the hit hat section.
A very creative idea I would say =)

Mommy pray everytime before she had her meal

My daddy who loves me dearly. So do I 

this is my 1st day of redang for the raya.
Abit sad cause I missed my friends' open house. Missed the awesome raya food.

The second day in Redang Island will be on my post #2 


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bicycling in Taman Warisan Pertanian @ Putrajaya

A wonderful day out with my course mates in Taman Warisan Pertanian at Putrajaya.
Link for Taman Warisan Pertanian

Jia Bing dear suddenly came out with the idea - bicycle day
Waking up at 7pm in Friday morning is kinda suffering. Plus I had a night out at Zouk. Coming back at 4 pm in the morning with major tipsy head.
Just imagine that I still have to cycle.
Plus I can't be bothered to bring my own camera. =p
tsk tsk tsk

So, the pictures were all taken by Jia bing and Cyrus.

Anyway, two cars heading Putrajaya wasn't easy. But JiaBing got us two walkie talkie. Hehe~
Smart girl!!!!

I realised that all of us had not cycle for ages. rofl~
But still we did perform well that day.

/me/ /nian shee/ /cyrus/ /lay cheu/ /shien ching/ /amy/ /mei vian/ /connie/

I found it hilarious, Amy looked so much like a school teacher on her basket bicycle.

It has been awhile since our last outing which is like one year ago. tsk tsk tsk


my dear limjalabing 

and shien ching 'sheeee'

bollywood 'coconut tree'


Life's so easy with you girls.

Me and Cyrus's monkey act. 
mind us please

we enjoyed the morning breezy air. 

damn sakai act.

Definitely a great day out from the hectic school life.
I think it is more to a picture day out for us. we took like 100 plus pictures that day. haha~
What to do.... girls---- 0.0

And finally 

Oh ya, we went Sri Petaling for Pan Ki Dim Sum.
It is famous for it's Gai Wo Bao (鸡窝包)

Nice people, nice day out, nice food.

love you all