Thursday, October 21, 2010

Something that triggers my mind

I was talking to Ruth, a close friend of mine yesterday night. I realized i have changed a lot since last year's Raya. I used to be very patient, tolerance and nice. (at least it is what i fell) But the problem is I miss the old happy, cheerful and a nice me. I want myself back. I became very defensive since last year.

I still remember I don't hate anyone during my Form 6 days. I love being with my friends. I love school but not class. Haha~ And I still remember one thing, I used to pray to God every single moment back then. I always seek for his guidance and pray for a wisdom mind and good heart.Things change when I enter varsity. I hardly pray. (stupid me right.)

But not now, I hate people who are trying to destroy my life. I become very defensive whenever people don't agree on what doing. I don't care what people say, even though I know they are trying to help me. It is because I know deep down in my heart, nothing's gonna change even thou I'm being nice.

Anyway, Ruth shared a story that is very meaningful to her, apparently, it is also very meaningful to me. And I wanna share it with you all. It is a little story from a book.

story on Stephanie Canfield,
When I was in junior high. I made a commitment to God, my parents, and myself to stay sexually pure until marriage. I made a list of character qualities I wanted in my husband. As time went on I thought I must have set my expectations too high. I didn't know any guys who had a same standards I did. Some of my friends told me this guy didn't exist!

During my senior year of high school I almost gave up on my dream to find him. I started to believe it could never happen, so I rushed ahead of God and caved into the pressure to begin a relationship (against my parents' advice). I soon experienced consequences-in my relationship with God, my friends, and my parents. God convicted me, and I surrendered my future to Him once again.

After high school I met a guy who became a good friend. Jeremiah had made a commitment not to kiss a girl until his wedding day. As our friendship grew, I came to realized he had the qualities I'd written on my list many years before. Imagine that - he did exist!

He asked to date me with the intention of marriage. With my parents' full support and peace from God we carefully began a relationship.

Our first kiss was on our wedding day, and it was so special! Waiting to express our love physically laid a strong foundation of trust for our marriage.

I wish I wouldn't have listened to my friends in believing that my standards were impossible and that i should just date. God had someone saved for me, and in His perfect timing He brought him along. I discovered that the way of purity is far better even through it required patience and a willingness to go against the flow. The outcome is worth every sacrifice and makes marriage all the sweeter.

Stephanie's husband, Jeremiah, agrees:

I told God when I was younger that I would lock all my emotions and desires to win a lady's heart in a box and that I would give Him the Key. I said i wanted Him to open this box in my heart when the right one came along. It was such a joy and thrill to give everything to Stephanie. I don't regret for one moment not "dating around." I had no past relationship scars to tell my wife about. I was saving myself for her alone.

I now get to spend the rest of my life pouring out my love on a women who has my whole heart and affection.

After reading it, I felt that I'm not alone and I'm proud of my commitment even thou my love of my life don't seem to appreciate it. Maybe I had rush everything and I think ahead of God. I had learnt my lesson.
Scar is always remind as one and it's forever. But I'm using concealer to cover it. Well, life is not that perfect as I think.
As least I know I'm blessed with many awesome people in my life. And you know who you are =)

1Cr 10:13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I believe everything happen with a purpose, whether it is good or bad. They are here to shape a better Carey, me.


  1. This is a very very nice post dear. Something I'd love to read and hear more from you. It's good to be the person you are. People change in time, whether for the better or worst. Whatever it is, I hope you will always be the awesome Carey that we all know. Sometimes difficulties and past experiences will somehow change us. We gota seek deep within us to find the real us again. You'll be alright, I know you will. Love you sis :) xx

  2. thanks Mal. I just wanna change to a better person. Yes, there are ups and downs. But these will make and shape a better me.

    Love you Mal =)